


The Last Days of The Real Dragon Dynasty

by Lighteningpool



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reality Show, Epistolary, Gen, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:37:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lighteningpool/pseuds/Lighteningpool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Real Dragon Dynasty is a reality show about the Targaryen family. It's one of the top rated shows in Westeros, until everything is thrown into turmoil when Rhaegar casts Lyanna as his Queen of Love and Beauty in his new movie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Days of The Real Dragon Dynasty

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written much in a while, so I hope this is good.  
> Written by someone who knows little about reality TV or how TV production works.

**Rhaegar Casts New Queen of Love and Beauty!**

Rhaegar Targaryen is known as many things: poet, actor, singer/songwriter, water polo champion, trendsetter and most notably as the star of SpiderTV’s hit show _The Real Dragon Dynasty_. He is not known for being a cheat! Yet he has been seen getting very close with Lyanna Stark.

Ms. Stark, the 18 year-old starlet, recently seen in _The Knight of the Laughing Tree_ was slated to play a supporting role in Rhaegar’s new film, _Tourney at Harrenhal_. Reports say that Rhaegar’s love interest has been recast with – you guessed it! – Lyanna Stark. The role was originally filled by Helga Whent, before being recast with Rhaegar’s real life love interest, Elia Martell. The pair had intended to turn the project into a project for the power couple.

Pictures from set show Lyanna and Rhaegar getting cosy. Very cosy indeed!

 

**Cersei**

[22:54]

DADDY HAV U HEARD?!?!?!?!

Tywin:

[23:04]

Have I heard what?

Cersei:

[23:05]

bout rhaegar and tht northern slut!!!

Tywin:

[23:15]

Yes. They will pay for their insolence. 

Tywin:

[23:19]

Please do nothing to embarrass us

Cersei:

[23:21]

dw daddy dearest

 

 **To:** [complaints@spidertv.wes](mailto:complaints@spidertv.wes)

 **From:** [cerseilioness@casterlymail.wes](mailto:cerseilioness@casterlymail.wes)

 **Subject:** So You Want to Marry Rhaegar contestants

Dear Mr. Mopatis and Mr. Varys,

I am sure you know who I am. I was a contestant on your show, _So You Want to Marry Rhaegar_ and as such expected that the winner of said show would enjoy a faithful, monogamous relationship with Rhaegar. I was lead to believe that in the event that the winner’s relationship with him were to turn sour, Rhaegar would choose a new girlfriend/wife from the runners up (such as myself).

As I was horribly mislead in this way I feel I am entitled to compensation. I will be in touch with my lawyers promptly.

Yours Sincerely,

Cersei Lannister

 

 **To:** [cerseilioness@casterlymail.wes](mailto:cerseilioness@casterlymail.wes)

 **From:** [complaints@spidertv.wes](mailto:complaints@spidertv.wes)

 **Subject:** RE: So You Want to Marry Rhaegar contestants

Thank you for your feedback!

Your complaint has been received by the SpiderTV complaints Team.

 

 **To:** rhaegar@dragondynasty.wes

 **From:** luwin@wdytya.wes

 **Subject:** Who Do You Think You Are

Hi,

Thank you for deciding to take part in Who Do You Think You Are? Our researchers have started work on discovering your family’s past. We will get back to you soon with our research.

Thanks,

Luwin

 

**9.00        The Real Dragon Dynasty**

19/22 Aerys hires a new bodyguard. Rhaegar tries his hand at poetry. Rhaella helps Viserys with his comedy routine for the talent show.

 

 **i’m a firestarter** @dragonstan

Liking the look of #JaimeTheBodyguard

 **The Maiden Fair** @Fool4Florian

#JaimeTheBodyguard can guard my body anytime #iykwim 

 **Lanna Boobs** @TargTart

Slam me across a table NOW!! #JaimeTheBodyGuard

 **Rhaella Targaryen Official** @RhaellaTargaryen

People seem to really like #JaimeTheBodyguard. Hope his head doesn’t get too big, it is called The Real DRAGON Dynasty after all ;)

 **Fire is cleansing** @baelorsballs

#Jaimethebodyguard has been there one day and he is already so done lol. “Yes sir, good for you” me every day at work #same

 

Tywin

[22:01]

Well done on your first TV appearance.

Jaime

[22:05]

Just trying to do my job.

 

**11 Best Moments from Last Night’s _The Real Dragon Dynasty_**

**We know your just here for #JaimeTheBodyguard**

  1. **Jaime Fucking Lannister**



From the moment we saw his golden hair we were smitten. And he clearly isn’t liking the new attention he’s getting which just makes him all the more attractive!

  1. **Yet another fire based threat from Aerys**



“Sometimes I just want to set your father on fire!”

“Many people do, sir.”

  1. **Aerys just really loves fire and explosions, okay!**



“Let’s have a firework display!”

“We had one two days ago, dad.”

“So?”

  1. **Some of Rhaegar’s attempts at poetry were pretty hilarious**



“Scaly like a dragon

Figuratively speaking

You take a drink from a flagon

But it is leaking”

  1. **But he brought it back with a beautiful poem that had Elia in tears**



You can read it in Rhaegar’s new collection of poems, _Tears from Summerhall._

  1. **Then he ruined it all…**



“That was lovely. Was it for me?”

“What? Yeah, no, it was for Balerion.”

*Sighs* “Oh, well I guess if I start bringing in dead mice my husband and daughter will start paying more attention to me.”

  1. **Elia made a desperate call to her brother**



“These people are driving me crazy help…. Stop laughing… I’m serious this time, dead serious.”

  1. **Viserys’s jokes were adorably bad**



“Why did the dragon cross the road? He didn’t, dragons don’t cross roads, you imbeciles!”

  1. **Okay, they weren’t all terrible, this one was kind of on point:**



“I used to think cameras followed everyone around. When I went to the Darrys’ house I was in for a _huge_ surprise! I checked everywhere. Not even a hidden camera in the bedroom!

 **10.** **Rhaella trying very hard to say something encouraging**

“Haha very funny, maybe if you pause before the punchline. You know for comic timing.”

“Comic timing? What’s that?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, my little lizard.”

 **11.** **Elia’s bombshell**

“Obie, you’ll never guess who Aerys just hired! No, not Aegon the Conquerer… Just stop trying to guess. Jaime Lannister. Remember when mum tried to set me up with him… I know right?”

Could there be love triangle? Or rather a square after recent revelations.

 

**3 Comments**

**Cersei Lannister**

How dare you? HOW DARE YOU OBJECTIFY JAIME LIKE THIS?!? And Elia is just desperate af!

 

> **Delena Florent**
> 
> Calm down, sheesh!
> 
> **Cersei Lannister**
> 
> Calm down?!?! How dare you? Do you know who my father is? Don’t you know he own half the media?
> 
> **Delena Florent**
> 
> Wow. Do you mind if I screenshot this? It’s fucking gold. 

**Jon Connington**

#NotAsHotAsRhaegar

**Owen Merryweather**

Lol, Aerys is hilarious!

 

riversstone:

 

> woolfspirit:
> 
> I love the passive-aggressive battle going on between Aerys Targaryen and Tywin Lannister.
> 
> Like Tywin was trying to take control of Aerys’ business but when he got wind of this he was like “lol nope!” then Tywin’s bratty daughter was on Rhaegar’s show and she got rejected pretty harshly so Tywin had someone write a horrible article about the Targs and now Aerys is parading Tywin’s son around on his show and I bet it’s driving Tywin nuts

Does anyone remember the time that a guy who works for Aerys basically tweeted that Tywin was running things for him and he got so mad? I don’t think anyone’s heard from him since. He definitely doesn’t have a twitter account anymore.

 

**Where are Rhaegar and Lyanna flying to together?**

Pictures show our favourite Targaryen seemingly taking his fling with Lyanna Stark to the next level! The pair were spotted at Harren City Airport yesterday evening looking incredibly intimate. This has led to speculation about where they could be going. Especially as, according to sources, they are not scheduled to finish filming at Harrenhal for another week. This begs the question: is Rhaegar abandoning his wife, Elia Martell, for the young starlet?

Though not married, Lyanna is also in a relationship with rugby captain Robert Baratheon of the Storm’s End Stags. He told us, “I don’t know what’s going on, what Rhaegar’s doing with my girlfriend. I hope she’s okay. This isn’t like her.” In his statement Robert seems to have raised concerns about Lyanna’s well-being. Should we be worried about the pair?

GossipNet are reaching out to Lyanna and Rhaegar for comment.

  

Ned

[19:23]

Where are you? We’re all worried sick.

Ned

[19:25]

I knew stardom would be no good to you. I told you what those king’s landing types are like.

Lyanna

[19:45]

Chill Nedders. I just needed to get away from it all for a while.

Lyanna

[19:46]

Tell Robert to stop calling me his gf 

 

Brandon

[21:09]

Do I need to beat someone up for you?

Lyanna

[21:12]

I don’t think so??????

Brandon

[21:37]

K. Just tell me if you do.

Lyanna

[21:43]

I can hold my own pretty well. Have you even seen any of my movies?

 

Rhaella

[10:07]

Remember what we discussed last night.

Elia

[10:09]

You sure ppl won’t think it’s desperate?

Rhaella

[10:10]

Don’t worry about it. You’re the wronged woman here. 

Rhaella

[10:11]

Besides, it’s true isn’t it?

 

 **Elia Nymeros Martell** @EliaMartell

I am proud to announce that in seven and a half months we will be welcoming a new Targaryen into the world.

 **Robert Baratheon** @RobertBaratheon

@RhaegarTargaryen I’m calling you out!!! Return my girlfriend to me or I will physically fight you!!!!

 

Lyanna

[12:24]

Stop telling people I’m your girlfriend we literally went on 1 date. 

Lyanna

[12:27]

And you’ve been with 5 women since then 

Robert

[13:06]

New phone who dis?

 

 **To:** [illyrio@spidertv.wes](mailto:illyrio@spidertv.wes)

 **From:** [varys@spidertv.wes](mailto:varys@spidertv.wes)

 **Subject:** An Interesting Prospect

I assume you’ve seen Robert Baratheon’s most recent tweet. A fight between two famous faces would certainly make for good television.

Something to think about.

 

 **To** : [kevanlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:kevanlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **From:** [tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** About our friends

Kevan,

I think it looks like Plan Destroy Targaryens is a go.

Tywin

 

 **To:** [tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **From:** [kevanlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:kevanlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** RE: About our friends

Do you have to always be so dramatic, Tywin?

 

 **To:** [robertbaratheon@stormlanders.wes](mailto:robertbaratheon@stormlanders.wes)

 **From:** [tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** Alliance?

Mr. Baratheon,

It has come to our attention that you are feuding with Rhaegar Targaryen. If you would like assistance with this with regards to the media, you can call on us.

LannisCorp

 

 **To:** [tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **From:** [robertbaratheon@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:robertbaratheon@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** RE: Alliance?

Cool beans old man

 

Robert

[16:23]

Nedo I think I received an email from a corporation???

Robert

[16:28]                       

Wait no it was from tywin lannister

 

Benjen

[22:47]

U and Brando should swap gfs

 

Cat

[23:30]

Stop apologising for your brothers!

 

Brandon

[23:47]

Ben is right.

 

 

Petyr

[23:55]

Wanna have sex?

Lysa

[23:56]

Sure!

Petyr

[00:01]

Shittttt you’re not cat

Petyr

[00:02]

Whatevs. Lets do this.

 

 **To:** [rhaegar@dragondynasty.wes](mailto:rhaegar@dragondynasty.wes)

 **From:** [luwin@wdytya.wes](mailto:luwin@wdytya.wes)

 **Subject:** Who Do You Think You Are

Rhaegar,

Can you come into the office when you’re free, please? We’ve researched your family’s background and we’d like to discuss our findings with you in person.

 

 **Rhaella Targaryen Official** @RhaellaTargaryen

In nine months we’ll be welcoming yet another Targaryen into the world. That’s right I’m pregnant too!

 **GossipNet Twitter** @GossNet

Lyanna spotted at purchasing pregnancy tests in Dorne, reports say. Could there be three new Targaryen arriving soon?

 **Elia Nymeros Martell** @EliaMartell

@GossNet Mine’ll be a Martell at this rate.

 **Brandon Stark** @BrandonStud

@GossNet “Reports say”????? What does that mean??? Is she or isn’t she in Dorne?

  

Ned

[10:14]

We’re really worried. Are the reports true? 

Ned

[10:19]

Lya, please answer ASAP!

Ned

[10:24]

Where are you? Dorne?

  

Tywin

[12:40]

We could publish something about Rhaella and Bonifer Hasty.

Kevan

[12:41]

No one will believe that.

Tywin

[12:46]

People are idiots. They’ll believe anything.

Kevan

[12:47]

Not that.

Tywin

[12:52]

What about Elia Martell? 

Kevan

[12:53]

Elia and Bonifer?

Tywin

[12:58]

No, if we publish something about Elia.

 

 **Daily Newspaper** @DailyNewspaper

It’s a win for Robert! See more here dailynewspaper.wes/article/8796…

 **Ashara Dayne** @AshDayne

@DailyNewspaper Wow, Lanniscorp really couldn’t help showing their hatred for the Targaryens

 **Robert Baratheon** @RobertBaratheon

#Lyanna wherever you are this fight was for you. I fought for you.

 **Robert Baratheon** @RobertBaratheon

@RhaegarTargaryen Where is Lyanna?!?

 **Lanna Boobs** @TargTart

Does @RobertBaratheon think he won Lyanna Stark because he won the fight?

 

Robert

[22:03]

Did you see the fight?

Stannis

[22:09]

No, there was a power cut, Robert.

 

Robert

[22:12]

Did you see the fight?

Renly

[22:14]

Nah power cut

Robert

[22:20]

I thought Stan was lying about that.

 

 **To:** [rhaegar@dragondynasty.wes](mailto:rhaegar@dragondynasty.wes)

 **From:** [luwin@wdytya.wes](mailto:luwin@wdytya.wes)

 **Subject:** Who Do You Think You Are

Call me please!

 

 **To:**[mountain@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:mountain@lanniscorp.wes); [amorylorch@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:amorylorch@lanniscorp.wes)

 **From:** [tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** It’s Time

You know what to do.

 

**Are Elia Martell’s children Real Dragons?**

**Gregor Clegane**

It’s all happening right now for the winner of _So You Want to Marry Rhaegar_. Her husband has run away with a younger woman and fought on live television for said woman, while she’s pregnant with their second child. Just this week nude photos of her have been released. Obviously many are feeling sympathy for her, but there is reason to believe she is not as innocent as thought.

Firstly, the matter of the nudes. Why is a married woman taking and sending these images? Most of the Targaryen clan are much more media savvy and would not take this kind of risk. Maybe she is rebelling against the family that launched her into stardom.

Secondly, there is this twitter exchange between her and GossipNet:

 

> **GossipNet Twitter** @GossNet
> 
> Lyanna spotted at purchasing pregnancy tests in Dorne, reports say. Could there be three new Targaryen arriving soon?
> 
> **Elia Nymeros Martell** @EliaMartell
> 
> @GossNet Mine’ll be a Martell at this rate.

What does Elia mean? Perhaps she is implying that her unborn child is not actually a Targaryen. Perhaps she is implying her child is a Martell on both sides of the family. From what we see on _The Real Dragon Dynasty_ the man she is closest to – and the person she interacts with more than anyone – is her brother, Oberyn. Could he be the father of her children?

 

 **Oberyn Nymeros Martell** @OberynMartell

@MountainClegane YOU SHAMED HER! YOU SLANDERED HER! YOU INVOLVED HER CHILDREN!

 **Elia Nymeros Martell** @EliaMartell

@MountainClegane @Lanniscorp what did I ever do to you?

 **Elia Nymeros Martell** @EliaMartell

Those photos look nothing like me… #Awkward

 **Ashara Dayne** @AshDayne

@EliaMartell I thought Tywin/Lanniscorp’s vendetta was against Aerys.

 **Elia Nymeros Martell** @EliaMartell

@Lanniscorp Tywin is this because I won against your daughter on a TV show?

 

 **To** : [amorylorch@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:amorylorch@lanniscorp.wes)

 **From** : [tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywinlannister@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** You disappoint me

You said you had actual photos!

 

Rhaella

[10:21]

What’s the strategy?

Elia

[10:30]

I go to my big bro’s house and hang out with my charming little niece.

Rhaella

[10:34]

But you need an immediate plan.

Elia

[10:36]

No I’m just tired of this.

 

**Leaked Video Shows Jaime Lannister Punch Aerys Targaryen**

A video leaked today from the set of The Real Dragon Dynasty shows the Targaryen’s bodyguard in a confrontation with the Targaryen patriarch.

In the video Lannister can been seen yelling at Aerys and approaching him menacingly as Aerys backs off looking panicked. When Aerys talks Jaime pauses before punching the older man in the face.

Although most of what Lannister says is inaudible, he can be heard to say “shove off, old man!”

 

 **i’m a firestarter** @dragonstan

Always knew #JaimeTheBodyGuard was a shitty person

 **The Maiden Fair** @Fool4Florian

How can #JaimeTheBodyGuard do something like that to such a sweet old man?

 **Barry Selmy** @BarristanSelmy

#Jaime The Bodyguard I’m disappointed in you, son.

 **Fire is cleansing** @baelorsballs

Aerys seems like a douche anyway eh

 

Tywin

[11:39]

Well done son.

Jaime

[11:47]

Thanks ur the only one saying so. People suck. He had it coming.

 

Unknown Number

[03:09]

I know where Lyanna is.

Ned

[03:10]

What who is this?

Unknown Number

[03:12]

Targs have a property in Dorne its top secret. Shes there.

 

 **To:** [jonarryn@valeproductions.wes](mailto:jonarryn@valeproductions.wes)

 **Bcc:** [cerseilioness@casterlymail.wes](mailto:cerseilioness@casterlymail.wes)

 **From:** [tywin@lanniscorp.wes](mailto:tywin@lanniscorp.wes)

 **Subject:** Show Pitch

 **Attachment:** lifeofcersei.docx

Mr. Arryn,

Attached you shall find the pitch for the reality programme we discussed

Many Regards,

Tywin Lannister

 

**Transcript – _The Jeor Mormont Show_ (Series 12, Episode 15)**

JM: Tonight my first guest is a fierce young actress, star of _The Knight of the Laughing Tree_. It’s Lyanna Stark!

[Lyanna Stark enters and sits in an armchair next to Jeor’s]

JM: Welcome to the show. Thank you for agreeing to come on.

LS: No problem. Just doing a favour for a fellow northerner [laughs].

JM: [Laughs] Yes, you’ve said this is the only media appearance you’re doing for the foreseeable future. Can you tell us a bit about that decision?

LS: Yeah, uh, there’s a lot of speculation in the press about me and I’d like to clear stuff up. But I just want to do it once. I knew that if I agreed to everything – every interview or whatever – I’d be constantly repeating myself.

JM: Now, the reason you’re here. A year ago you met Rhaegar Targaryen on the set of _Tourney at Harrenhal_ , at that time how aware were you of the Targaryen family?

LS: I’d never watched the TV show. I knew who they were, of course, but I wasn’t very interested. I think that really appealed to Rhaegar, you that I was one of the only people who didn’t know everything about his family.

JM: [Laughs] when you met Rhaegar, his wife Elia was on set too. She was supposed to play the role you eventually took. Did you know her well?

LS: No, not really. Even before we changed roles, we didn’t have many scenes together. I know her better know, we’ve become friends.

JM: How did you feel about becoming involved with a married man, then?

LS: I – I’ve always had a rebellious streak, though I like to think I don’t just do things for the sake of being rebellious. I was convinced it was okay because they, er, their marriage – Rhaegar and Elia – it didn’t seem to be going too well. Anyway… Rhaegar’s fidelity isn’t really my responsibility.

JM: Quite right. Then you ran off to Dorne with him. Is that as romantic as it sounds?

LS: [Laughs] I thought it was at the time, you know, but I didn’t know what was going to happen. His place in Dorne is remote. Very remote. We couldn’t get Wi-Fi or a phone signal there at all. I guess Rhaegar liked having somewhere isolated, quiet. He didn’t even have a TV, I had no idea about the fight until later. He just went away one day and didn’t tell me why and my brother found me before he got back.

JM: That must have been very lonely. Did you feel trapped, like you couldn’t leave?

LS: Erm… there was nothing for miles around the property and just one car and I don’t drive, we went out to get supplies a few times a week. But once he’d gone I couldn’t leave. Clearly we didn’t consider the practicalities of our romantic getaway. [Laughs]

JM: How’s the future looking for you? Do you have anything lined up?

LS: No, not at the moment. I’m mostly just focusing on my son, Jon. But we’ll see about the future.

 

 **To:** [varys@spidertv.wes](mailto:varys@spidertv.wes); [illyrio@spidertv.wes](mailto:illyrio@spidertv.wes)

 **From:** [jonarryn@valeproductions.wes](mailto:jonarryn@valeproductions.wes)

 **Subject:** The Real Dragon Dynasty

Dear Sirs,

I regret to inform you that Vale Productions have chosen not to continue producing _The Real Dragon Dynasty._

Yours Sincerely,

Jon Arryn

 

 **GossipNet Twitter** @GossNet

Breaking News! #TheRealDragonDynasty has been cancelled!

 **GossipNet Twitter** @GossNet

#TheRealDragonDynasty struggled to find a new production company after being dropped by Vale Productions after months of scandal.


End file.
